"We Care about Fact, Not about Fiction"*

Sen. George Allen R-VA, has just put modern American literature in its place, and I for one am grateful. It appears that Sen. Allen has just "exposed" thousands of pages of bizarre literary references penned by his political opponent, Jim Webb, who hasn't had much to say for himself.

The media coverage is only the tip of the iceberg though. The crack staff of Formerly Living, using highly controversial techniques, have uncovered additional related scandalous literary evidence suitable for condemnation by even the most open-minded Republican. For instance:

1) Woman #1 studs her husband out for a one night stand with Woman #2, and in trade, receives narcotics belonging to the son of Woman #2!

2) Young girl is raped by her brother, and the authorities do nothing. Years later, he is murdered by his own brothers for his in-house activities.

3) Man has unprotected sex with a hooker, and gets her pregnant. Oh, and the hooker is his daughter-in-law. The hooker is condemned to death for being such a feckless whore, until she goes on Jerry Springer and informs the world that her father in law is the child's father. Not only is she allowed to live, but gets a multi-year book and movie deal.

4) In another sordid tale, a man pimps out his own wife. After being raped and murdered, she is tossed back on his front porch. With nothing better to do, he chops her ass up.

5) Two girls are so hard up for trouser-snake, they slip their own aged father a rufie in his booze, and bear his children.

6) Son screws his old man's whore. In his old man's bed. Video available on YouTube.

7) This may be the worst yet. You've been warned. Man finds an abondoned baby in a field, cleans it up, takes it in, feeds and clothes it. Baby grows up to be a whore. Man then gets her pregnant, she kills all of their sons and daughters so she can gang bang the neighbors. Man complains that she is giving it away rather than charging for a piece of ass. Man beats her bloody, while her lovers watch, then invites the lovers to kick her ass also. Then he starts talking about what a tramp and whore the girl's mom and sisters were.

What kind of freak show are the voters in Virginia hoping for? What the hell are they thinking? Oooppps, I forgot to mention that the above examples are not things written by Jim Webb. In order to meet the FCC obligations of equal perversity, these are all examples of writing from a book that Senator Allen undoubtedly carries around with him.

Drudge was kind enough to offer up citations of Webb's works, so we thought we should do the same for the stuff in Allen's book. In the order in which they appear above:

1) The Bible. Genesis 30: 14-17.
2) The Bible. 2 Samuel 13:1-19.
3) The Bible. Genesis 38: 13-29.
4) The Bible. Judges 19.
5) The Bible. Genesis 19: 31-38.
6) The Bible. 1 Chronicles 5:1.
7) The Bible. Ezekiel 16.

You have got to be kidding me. Here, after all this time, I thought that we had moved beyond book burning. Has Allen actually read any of Webb's books? Has Drudge? Has CBS? Have you? I haven't. And for the record, it has been a good 25 years since I read the Bible. And I ain't gonna read it again, because the 7 examples above are so disgusting, and are so contrary to my high moral fiber that I refuse to have that kind of filth in my home where my children sleep, in my mind where I communicate with God, or in my mouth that I use to talk to my momma.

I don't need to see the context they were written in, and I don't need to know if there is some moral judgment or some moral lesson that the author is trying to make. All I need to know is that I am offended by adultery, incest, rape, murder, domestic abuse, prostitution, orgies, underage sex and anything at all having to do with Little Debbie snack cakes (she is a slut). All of those things are in there, so that makes the book evil, the author a purveyor of smut, and the entire work a damnable piece of filth that will undoubtedly lead to the destruction of our civilization as we know it. I am so worked into a lather, I am not sure which book and which author I am referring to now. Do you know? Can you tell? Or perhaps, maybe there is no difference in the intellectual analysis, or lack thereof between the two positions.

For the last 3-4 years, the Republicans (my last voting registration had a big R on it, so dont give me any crap) have been hiding Mark Foley in the page's closet and let him run rampant with his IM name of PeachFuzz69. They want to talk big about law and order and protecting children and... well, whatever else sounds good rather it makes sense or not. Webb is a former Marine, a decorated combat veteran, a historian, an award winning author, served under Reagan and was the Secretary of Navy.

A passage in a fictional novel about a guy flipping his son upside down and nipping in his noodle may, at the end of the day, be some sick, twisted admission that he likes to cruise the same sites as Mark Foley and hang out at the local Catholic church rectory. Or it might be something all together different. Maybe determining what that all together different thing requires maturity, intellectual honesty and a certain amount of personal character that most politicians fail to display. I will wait, Senator Allen, while you consider your answer.

Texas was the spawning ground for "No Child Left Behind" and the standardized tests that come with it, thanks to Il Presidente Bush. Taken in a vaccuum, out of context, No Child Left Behind looks just as good as Webb's subject-matter looks bad. Why? No Child Left Behind sounds great, but once you get past the political expediency, it is an unmitigated failure. Texas' education system ranks at the bottom of public school systems in the country. Why? Its because we don't leave any child behind, so long as our children know how to take a POS test that some pointy-headed retard in Austin dreams up while he puts in his time before he runs for governor. What that means is that the entire year is spent teaching our children how to take the TAKS test. Do we care if our children really know and understand basic mathematic concepts, do we care that our children do not read or think independently? We would rather standardize and tranquilize young minds instead of teach them how to flourish, and embolden them to be strong where we as a country have become weak. Children are not promoted to the next grade for fear they cannot pass the TAKS test. Teachers routinely lie and cheat so that their students pass the TAKS test. Just because something looks politically expedient Senator, don't make it right. This little scam of yours is insulting to Virginia, and to Mr. Webb.

Senator Allen, as an elected official to a national governing body (thank god I gradjeeated b4 No Child Left Behind, and know how some things work), your actions, your ideas, your legislative agendas have the potential to effect my children, my families and my loved ones. On the eve of a big election, what is your grand plan? You bang on Webb for his tales of fiction!!!!! Because the ficitonal characters in Webb's fictional novels do very bad things to sometimes very weak people, that automatically makes Webb an evil person who does bad things? Can we, Senator Allen, hold you personally responsible for the smut in the bible? What about the things I didn't cover? Are you violent, because the characters in the bible are violent? Are you a misogynist because misogyny is advocated in the bible? Are you incestuous because there is incest throughout the bible?

Let's do this. You put down that bible you undoubtedly thump, and also set aside Webb's written works. What do you have Senator? Do you have something you are in favor of, something to help my family or improve our lot in life? Your colleagues hurt a huge section of this country when you screwed up Bankruptcy Reform last year. Your president (whom I voted for last election, so give me crap for being stupid) has clamped down federal funds on stem cell research. My multiple sclerosis is a lot more subtle than Michael J Fox's Parkinson's disease, but you betrayed me and millions others based on some dubious science. How about that pill-popping hypocrite Rush Limbaugh (whom I used to listen to on a daily basis), calling Fox a mislead victim. Texas Republican Phil King tried to pull the same stunt in Texas a few years ago, by sneaking through so-called "anti-cloning" legislation that would have made it illegal for me to go overseas and receive treatment for my currently incurrable MS, if that treatment involved any cell replication technology. Don't you dare look with sympathy at me for being a mislead victim. I read and understand legislation. I don't blindly accept pablum as gospel just because high-brow "know-it-all" politicians like you tell me I should believe it. Lucky for you I can't vote in Virginia, so that after I publish this post, I will forget all about you and your stupid-ass clumsy attempt to shame someone for his works of fiction. Have you read all of these books by these folks? Are you going to condemn them as well?

Senator, I am half-way through my first novel. It involves rape, murder, drug use, alcoholism and racism. I am neither rapist, murderer, drug addict, alcoholic, nor a racist. I love ALL of my children, I love my wife, and have forsaken all other women for her. I try to be honest in my business dealings. I try to stay healthy, despite the high cost of my medications and my health insurance. I worry about the piss-poor education my children receive, and I worry even more about the sky-rocketing costs of college tuition (largely brought about under Republican administrations at the state level). Is there something you can point to in Webb's books and show me is the cause of these problems? Be careful what you point to sir, chances are it's in your good book...

I haven't voted in a while, but maybe I will move to your lovely state and start. I am bringing my novel with me if I come. Wake the villagers, sharpen the pitchforks and find a couple of torches to lead the mob, because I am a bad, bad man. The book's title? One Bad Child-Beating, Wife Killing, Pill Popping, Sister Screwing, Puppy Kicking, Rock and Rolling Mother Fucker... by Formerly Living.

*If you weren't paying attention to the video, you missed him make this Quote about fact and fiction. Irony, I love you.

... so it turns out I am Sick after all...

The happy pills are finally kicking in, at the end of my sessions neither I nor my counselor are balled up in a corner crying uncontrollably, and I haven't seriously threatened to snatch the life out of any one since at least Father's Day. By all accounts I am far more well adjusted then ever before. I feel like I have been rehabilitated, I have turned over a new leaf, I am a new man.

All that being said, this is fair warning of an impending, eye-bulging rant. Will try to throw in a freebie that someone actually appreciates to make up for it, but if you don't wanna risk it, maybe you should leave now. There is one piece of unfinished business, and the day of reckoning has arrived, a proper accounting is now due.

I don't know how anyone found it, but the post that generated the most response from my wild gesticulations on my humble little digital soap box was this one, addressing some "heart attack" serious issues with Child #1. That ain't been resolved. Nothing has changed except that the status quo has become more acceptable as the status quo.

Saturday night of Father's Day weekend, Ex-wife calls to inform me that Child #2, currently 500 miles away at church camp (yes, on Father's Day weekend), just informed a camp counselor that Child #2 had been molested. The previous summer. In my home. By the sibling of New Wife.

The next bit of information was not about how Child #2 was currently doing, or when Child #2 was coming home. The next thing out of Ex-Wife's mouth was, you have lost all credibility with Child #1. Curious statement, given that Child #1 had only talked to me once in the preceding 2 years.

Until now, I have not even revisited that evening in my mind. Beloved, do not ever let me catch you claim that it isn't in you to hurt another human being; because if that is true, you aren't paying attention. Once a person regresses to the animal state, it is far easier to justify evicting them from the realm of living man. Fortunately for me, my brother, being somewhat more level headed than I, saw to it (or at least made me believe he had seen to it) that local law enforcement in-between me and the termination of my planned 6 hour joyride presented enough of a barrier to prevent me from staging what very likely would have been my grand finale.

My brother, by the way, has not talked to me since. There are apologies to be made, other sub-accounts to be settled. Even in my bloodlust stupor, I reached out to him. Nada. Nada y nada.

As part of the statement of Child #2, the allegation was raised that dear old dumbass dad, and New Wife, were too intoxicated to realize what was happening at the time of attack. In fact, a huge portion of the investigative complaints were not about the attack itself, but about how shitty a parent, and a person, Dear ol' Dad is.

In law school, we were taught phrases such as "Texas Two-Step" and "Custody Catch-22". This was the scenario that gave birth to such clever little sayings. Lie, and cop to being a drunk, wreckless parent with patent disregard for the health and safety of his children; or parry with the truth (at least as it applies to Dad and New Wife), and create avenues to punch holes in reasonable doubt in the event that sibling lived long enough to go to trial.

Child Protective Services came to my home. They took pictures of children #3-#5, whom live with us. Asked me if I was a drunkard, or if I skipped merrily through life in wreckless disregard for the welfare of my children. Had I ever been accused of abuse, had I ever been abused (only by ex-wife).

I stopped communicating with close friends in both the DA's office and the Court of Appeals, for fear that I would be accused of using my influence to obstruct the investigation.

Without any court order, Ex-Wife cut me off from communicating with Child #2. When I politely told Ex-Wife to kiss my fat Irish ass, she pressured Child #2 until Child #2 stopped sending emails.

The summer, and the investigation drug on. CPS cleared us of whatever the hell we were accused of. Ultimately, the detective closed the case. She, like I, believe that something did happen. What, how, when are questions not likely to be answered. One of the biggest weaknesses in the case was the focus on Dad's failure as a human being that was rampant throughout the witness statements.

The price paid by everyone involved has been dear. Child #2 lost an innocent part of childhood, I may have lost Child #2 to the same black abyss as Child #1, I damn near lost my marriage, and probably lost my brother. The holidays will be even tougher this year than last. Neither of my older children are likely to be around, and I do not want the in-laws around. Sibling still lives with or near New Wife's parents, stealing from them, lying to them, hiding behind them. The fact that Sibling still draws a breath at all keeps hot fires burning in dark places inside of me.

Over the weekend, nearly on the verge again of likely self-destruction, I discovered an often discounted and overlooked ghost of a mental, emotional and legal concept that may be more prevalent, and more dangerous, then cancer, AIDS, diabetes and cranial/anal inversion combined. Thanks to the Eagles, I have long been suspicious of any "syndrome" that might excuse immature or irresponsible behavior. That was before I married the Wicked Bitch of the West, and before I fell prey to her implementation of Parental Alienation Syndrome, which was first described by Richard Gardner. The more I read about it, the angrier I become. Child #1 demonstrates behavior in every single category, and seems to place somewhere between moderate and severe. Some of the literature indicates that the alienating parent, (you read this as Ex-Wife), is a sociopath, or some equivalent soulless whore. Despite the fact that a significant number of non-custodial parents probably have seen some of this, despite the fact that millions of children are likely being disaffected from one of their parents without justification, Gardner has been treated like a whipping boy by courts and colleagues. I guess he doesn't hold his pinky out at the correct angle while sipping his tea.

The new kid on the block, Richard Warshak is in my neighborhood. Just his introduction to his book Divorce Poison had me crying like a baby.

One of the best new magazines on the rack today, Best Life, did an article a few months ago on the emotional, financial and legal burdens that children and that target parents suffer when the custodial parent goes off the reservation. I pray God that everyone forwards one of these articles, books or papers around (same way that Sibling will be traded around someday), so that no child and no parent ever has to go through this kind of emotional hell again.

Ok, I am done. Held it together fairly well, I don't think I committed too many crimes, nor did I violate many of the tort laws of most states. As a half-ass freebie, and to restore some good karma go check out Ken Sklute, just don't tell him that I sent you. If he digs through the archives enough, I probably have knicked some of his copyrighted material, probably best we not bring that up. Try this one also, I don't think I gave you this before. Brut is giving away tickets to the Sun Bowl, and I think Ron Capps will be the celebrity referee for the bench-clearing brawl scheduled for the third quarter.

Go Home. Hug your children. Warn them about...Formerly Living.

Do Not Make Me Smote You...

The Kansas asshats, also known as the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, apparently are not satisfied with merely spewing insidious venom at the families of deceased US service members and their families. Given that picket protests that the pseudo-Christians have engaged in, which by most accounts have included celebrating the deaths of fallen service men, as well as taunting their families at the funerals, one would think that 1) the asshats are seeking an expedited meeting with their maker and 2) that some crusty old Marine would have already arranged the meeting. The fact that these jackasses have been neither dispatched with extreme prejudice, nor at least committed, says volumes about the restraint of this nation's war vets, and the complete failure of our nation's mental health system.

According to Fox News, the Kansas asshats (feeling some swagger since the military doesn't jack with them, and tired of picking on gays) has now decided to get really tough and start beating up and murdered Amish girls. Apparently, those poor young ladies had their lives tragically snatched away from them because God was angry, and rather than flood selected sections of Topeka, or cause all the pedophiles in Congress to be sucked into an express lane to hell, ol' Grumbly Ass upstairs arms a milk man with weaponry and decides to bitch slap the Amish...? Beloved, I only pick up my bible when ex-wife uses it to explain to my children why I am going to hell, but I am pretty damned sure that I have never seen any passage about Though Shalt not Kill, Unless its the Amish and I Happen to be Good and Pissed off.

You Fuckers in Topeka just keep spewing that venom. When you finally get what is coming to you, I have already made your travel plans for you. You have special seating in Hell, right next to... Formerly Living.