"Woman, I Broke my Rock!"

This weekend, I crossed off one of the things on my "To Do before I Die List", and took a motorcycle safety course. Yes, the irony is not lost on me that participation in this activity could prematurely end my existence, and thereby prevent me from completing the other items on my list. Guess what? The same can be said for all the other items on the list as well... so smoke 'em if you got 'em!

I put off doing this a long time, even though I grew up riding motorcycles with 2-4 wheels, and even though I have always wanted to ride with my dear dumb ass dad. I just didn't do it. Prince rode a motorcycle. Chuck Norris rode a motorcycle. The Terminator rode a motorcycle. Hell, if you look close enough, half the horses in the old John Wayne movies had two wheels and a panhead. And the unnatural attraction of chicks to motorcycles? Never bothered to exploit that opportunity.

My wife has been, figuratively and literally, standing around tapping her toes, waiting for me to get a motorcycle. I didn't even have to resort to the tried and trued "Gas prices, baby... we can save money". For the life of me, I just couldn't figure out why she wanted me to get a bike so badly...

So, I did learn a couple of things. For instance, there are some folks that have been riding for years, but don't knwo the first damn thing about how to ride a motorcycle. Those are the folks that keep national insruance rates high, but do help in thinning out the herd a bit. Next, I figured out that my dreams of running down to the local Triumph dealership and buying the biggest, baddest cruiser or cafe racer they got is just going to have to wait a bit. Here is to growing older and wiser at a measured rate.

Most importantly though, I have decided that the United States should implement a mandatory program requiring every licensed citizen to ride a motorcycle for an entire year as their primary means of transportation. Only in this way can the asshats of the world understand why it ain't okay to make a right hand turn out of the left lane, across 4 lanes of traffic.

Even with visions of my eyeballs exploding like nightmarish sugarplums at 80 miles an hour, over the two days that I was in the course, I didn't worry about work or seethe with unquenched rage at my ex-wife or bemoan the two children who have disowned me, nor did I shake my fists at the Bush administration that has made it so difficult to remain Republican after 15 years of loyal service. Monday morning, when I got back to the pressure cooker, I felt better than I had in months. There really is something about riding a motorcycle that you just cannot get from any other recreational narcotic.

My wife's anniversary is next week. She has authorized the release of her approved wish list:

1. A motorcycle for her loving husband

2. Someone to ride with [link NSFW]

3. A new watch

4. Home security system

5. Membership in exclusive club

Is it any wonder I love this woman so?

Over the weekend, volunteer and professional firefighters all over the Texas Panhandle battled the largest fire in Texas' recorded history, nearly 800,000 acres as of this morning. Some reports attribute 11 deaths to the fire. Towns were evacuated and homes were burned. These are all people and places I know and love dearly, so don't make me chase your cheap ass down.

Please send financial contributions here. [Photo is property of AP/Amarillo Globe News]

Glad to be alive, glad to be able to ride, waiting for the rains to return to my beloved Panhandle so I can ride home. Sitting in the sidecar beside me, dressed in a yellow rainslicker and limo-dark tinted goggles...Formerly Living.