There exists a modern myth that the civil affairs of the great state of Texas continue to be governed by a wild band of cowboys with law degrees swaggering around town in 10 gallon hats, forcing themselves on the women folk and scaring small children. Nothing could be farther from the truth, we cling to the same soft-headedness of any good carpet-bagger barrister.
To wit: In a small town called Conroe, there is a small employer called Commercial Coating Services, who employed some allegedly small minded crackers with an allegedly industrial sized rope. As the pleadings go, apparently the victim was lured into a private area of the facility, and at some point, one of the crackers to be thought it would be a great idea to introduce neck to noose. Anyone who has placed a noose aroundthe neck of another knows that you can't do it without throwing in a few choice racial epithets for good measure, and golly gee that is exactly what allegedly happened here. Although the company denies any wrong-doing, in a settlement approved by U.S. Disctrict Judge Keith Ellison, not only did the company agree to pony up a $1 million settlement, they also agreed to a sweet little symbolic gesture that warms the chilled air in the heart of my inner-cynic...
As part of a million dollar settlement, invovling the EEOC, and people who actually passed the bar exam as administered by the great state of Texas, everyone joined hands, swayed back and forth singing some old time gospel... and agreed that CCSI should plant a tree in the front yard...
Plant a tree? Beloved, this is like settling a lawsuit with a diabetic by paying them in Twinkies! What message does this send the cracker-successors that will inevitably fill the vacuum left by the noose-toting offendors? "Hell boy, ya brought the noose to the lynchin' party, but you didn't think to find a tree...?" The legal trade rag hailed this settlement as a fine example of how lawyers can improve the quality of society, how creative and caring lawyers can help make great strides in the refining the human condition, bring a little love to the table in a form other than filthy green backs. Such soft-headedness is clearly devoid of any real thought...
There is a dark truism shared amongst many personal injury lawyers and insurance defense lawyers, something about a dead plaintiff being cheaper than a maimed litigant... Maybe that truism has circulated in a little town in Conroe.
In related news, ground-breaking paternity litigation has been filed in Tarrant County. According to pleadings, the best interest of the child can now be ensured by informally severing the parent/child relationship, and establishing paternity through inanimate objects, such as ATM machines. A new generation of children without fathers, but content with PIN access, ensuring the constant and uninterrupted supply of Ipods. All further relief not granted herein shall be... Formerly Living.
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2 comments:
I lived in Conroe and YOU sir are no Conroe!
PS it sucked donkey balls except for the lake which had excellent bass fishing.
By bass fishing I mean forgetting your fishing pole and consuming large quantities of cheap beer in a rusty boat thirty yards from shore at 5:30 in the morning.
Wow. That sounds so surreal. Almost comical if it didn't actually happen.
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