As much as I love Squiggy and Neil Cavuto, the National MS Society has finally found an ambassador I can really get behind, I mean this person is someone I can really get on board with...
I sometimes tend to forget the long-term effects of this disease. For someone who has MS, I have been pretty damned lucky, because my symptoms are on the lighter side compared to a lot of folks that I know. I used to tell people that, in many ways, MS was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Since then, having MS has demonstrated how shameless I might still be.
I made the mistake last year of making the point with my lovely wife that it was important to me to stay healthy for her sake, so that I am not in a wheel-chair, drooling all over myself, and waiting for her to change my pee bag. I am taking daily shots of Copaxone, which is a great drug, but a shitty way to start the morning. From time to time, I fall out of the daily routine of sticking myself. Kinda did that during the holidays, for a longer period than I care to admit.
Woke up about 3 a.m. on Christmas Eve, and had that old familiar tingly, Vienna sausages for fingers kind of sensation. I immediately started kicking myself in the buttocks, for fear of what lovely wife would do to me when she found out the cause of the new flare up. The real emotional impact hit me when I realized that I had lost strength and control of my clutch hand. Tard boy couldn't ride his motorcycle for awhile...haven't missed a shot since then.
Watch Victoria's Secret and BeatMS! This intimate moment brought to you by the Council of Hotchicks My Wife Lets Me Look At and...Formerly Living.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Everybody funny, now you funny too...
This week I discovered that everything our society believes about lawyers is wrong! It is possible to be a successful, accomplished attorney and also be a decent, lovable person. It turns out that, hidden in the growing village of Farmer's Market are the offices of one Mr. William Brotherton, Esq. Within 5 minutes of meeting Mr. Brotherton it was clear that his clients trust him because he is immensely intelligent, but they hire him because he has enough humor and personality to fill his rather sizable visage. He is definitely someone that you can sit and drink a beer with, assuming he doesn't have you laughing too hard.
But that was only a bonus for me. Brotherton, a former railroader, shit-shoveler, one-time movie star, and jack-of-all trades, is a published author. His book, "Burlington Northern Adventures: Railroading in the Days of the Caboose" is a collection of short stories based on his time with the railroad. Damned good book. Buy two copies because you will want to read it twice.
Funny is the theme of the week, although on somewhat opposing ends of the spectrum. One of the few comedians doing standup today, who actually has the capacity to understand the world around them, is Lewis Black. Black, who unlike the eternal frat-boy "Jackass" wannabe Dane Cook (and, in case you were wondering Boyd Coddington is still a dick) who couldn't think his way out a paper bag, utilizes his intellect and his insight into humans and beings alike, is a true master of his craft. But, the brother also gotta make a living, so make sure to check out his website to sample some of his humor, then go to Comedy Central and vote for him as your mostest favoritist comedian.
One final funny. Last week, after finally succumbing to this season's mind numbing, sinus hardening brain infection, I ordered a balaclava from J&P Cycles so that my pretty little face would stay warm while two-wheeling through the now-frozen tundra known as the DFW Metroplex. In a bit of a narcissistic display, I ordered a full face skull pattern, the one that glows in the dark. (I couldn't help myself this close to the opening of the movie Ghost Rider. The thought of that skull glowing out from behind my face shield was just more temptation than I could handle). Anyway, the skull head arrives at the house last week. In order to prove that she has too much time on her hands, my lovely wife dons the mask, puts a black bandanna over her head, and goes hunting for small children.
The smallest members of the tribe were both in their bedroom, with the door closed. Skeletor the she-ghoul gets down on all fours in front of the door, and knocks softly at the door. The oldest of the two knee-biters opened the door, to greet a growling skull in the darkened hallway. Knee-biter #1 starts jumping and screaming and looking for the softest spot in the sheet rock to create an emergency exit. The skull begins to laugh uncontrollably, about the same time that Knee Biter decides to take matters in his own hands by delivering a round house to the skull's jaw. Even though She-Ra the retarded falls onto the floor, still laughing uncontrollably, Knee-Biter reportedly continued to hop around like a 7 year old girl trying not to wet herself over Justin Timberlake's recently announced split from Cameron Diaz. At this rate, it is only a matter of time before I come home to find wife's body on the floor, a tragic victim of one of her cruel pranks against the children gone horribly wrong. Soon as I can figure out a way to make it look like I have hung myself (without actually hanging my stupid ass), I am gonna make her wet herself.
Laughing until milk dribbles out of my nose... Formerly Living.
But that was only a bonus for me. Brotherton, a former railroader, shit-shoveler, one-time movie star, and jack-of-all trades, is a published author. His book, "Burlington Northern Adventures: Railroading in the Days of the Caboose" is a collection of short stories based on his time with the railroad. Damned good book. Buy two copies because you will want to read it twice.
Funny is the theme of the week, although on somewhat opposing ends of the spectrum. One of the few comedians doing standup today, who actually has the capacity to understand the world around them, is Lewis Black. Black, who unlike the eternal frat-boy "Jackass" wannabe Dane Cook (and, in case you were wondering Boyd Coddington is still a dick) who couldn't think his way out a paper bag, utilizes his intellect and his insight into humans and beings alike, is a true master of his craft. But, the brother also gotta make a living, so make sure to check out his website to sample some of his humor, then go to Comedy Central and vote for him as your mostest favoritist comedian.
One final funny. Last week, after finally succumbing to this season's mind numbing, sinus hardening brain infection, I ordered a balaclava from J&P Cycles so that my pretty little face would stay warm while two-wheeling through the now-frozen tundra known as the DFW Metroplex. In a bit of a narcissistic display, I ordered a full face skull pattern, the one that glows in the dark. (I couldn't help myself this close to the opening of the movie Ghost Rider. The thought of that skull glowing out from behind my face shield was just more temptation than I could handle). Anyway, the skull head arrives at the house last week. In order to prove that she has too much time on her hands, my lovely wife dons the mask, puts a black bandanna over her head, and goes hunting for small children.
The smallest members of the tribe were both in their bedroom, with the door closed. Skeletor the she-ghoul gets down on all fours in front of the door, and knocks softly at the door. The oldest of the two knee-biters opened the door, to greet a growling skull in the darkened hallway. Knee-biter #1 starts jumping and screaming and looking for the softest spot in the sheet rock to create an emergency exit. The skull begins to laugh uncontrollably, about the same time that Knee Biter decides to take matters in his own hands by delivering a round house to the skull's jaw. Even though She-Ra the retarded falls onto the floor, still laughing uncontrollably, Knee-Biter reportedly continued to hop around like a 7 year old girl trying not to wet herself over Justin Timberlake's recently announced split from Cameron Diaz. At this rate, it is only a matter of time before I come home to find wife's body on the floor, a tragic victim of one of her cruel pranks against the children gone horribly wrong. Soon as I can figure out a way to make it look like I have hung myself (without actually hanging my stupid ass), I am gonna make her wet herself.
Laughing until milk dribbles out of my nose... Formerly Living.
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