So you Wanna be a Lawyer...

For some inexplicable hiccup of cosmic injustice, a dear friend of mine is taking a severe ass-pounding by the legal system, which happens to coincide with rumblings that my ex-wife is warming up the K-Y so that she can lay some more justice upon my backside as well.

So my friend asked me in passing a few weeks ago, isn't it right that law school is a three year endeavour. I told him that was correct, but the first three semesters are all that really matter. Those first three semesters look like this:

Fall 2006 course listing
1) Fee Agreements – The Reason We are all Here
2) Basic legal terms to Baffle and Amaze clients
3) Getting Paid, despite a Piss Poor Fee Agreement
4) Sleeping with Office Staff w/o Getting disbarred
5) Attorneys and Substance Abuse – Learning how to Function in a Fog of Alcohol, controlled substances, and anti-depressants w/o getting disbarred

Spring 2007
1) Fee Agreements – Drafting the sanction-proof agreement
2) Code Words to Let Other Attorneys Know you are as Stupid as they Are
3) Ethics – Learning to Discern what the Meaning of “is” is
4) Sleeping with Clients w/o Getting disbarred

Summer 2007
1) Cheating on the Bar
2) Learning how to Explain why you failed the Bar the first Three attempts
3) Billing your time for work done by Paralegals in India
4) Sleeping with Judges w/o getting disbarred

We hope you have enjoyed your legal education as much as we have enjoyed your tuition money! And now for your commencement speaker... Formerly Living.